30/09/2009

i wonder, what is the point of preparing for your role, and not being used in the end. It seems as though the effort put in is absolutely wasted and pointless in hindsight. What makes it even more depressing is the fact that all is done with an aim for God's purpose, and yet it is of no use in the end.

So, why do we do what we do? If everything we did goes down the drain, what is the point of doing what we do?

Looking at the prophets in the Old Testament, i believe that they spread God's message of repentance to the people with a hope that they might listen and repent for what they are doing. Yet not many prophets are able to see this hope being fulfilled, with an exception in Jonah. When opportunities diminishes, does our effort and faith diminish together as well? Do the prophets gave up and shut themselves in a convent, forever lamenting their unfavourable conditions, or simply keep it unto themselves?

I do gain much by preparing for my role. It is my first time preparing the teaching for a long long time, helping me to re-learn and revise some previous things taught to me. But what purpose does it achieve if it benefits me alone?

I still believe that i need to do what i do. But i need hope that wouldnt fail me to see it come to a past.

28.09.2009

We always pray that God will show us our blindspots, our hidden weaknesses or sins that plagues us unknowingly. Most of these blindspots can be found in our attitudes and our actions; embedding itself into our personality with each and every experience in life; experiences we have when we are young, what family background we come from, and past hurts or mistakes that we may still regret now. Other blindspots may come from our own set of rules or values that we hold, which may not be biblical yet we either ignored it or didnt look much into it.

When God shows our blindspots, what is our response to it? Some would respond in embarassment or guilt, probably for a hidden sin that lurks in our conscience. Others would respond in anger, putting the blame unto others for the bad experience that we suffer or go through. Still others would rue that things would not have turn out as it is if this or that happened during the process leading to the unhappy outcome.

Yet what is God's purpose for us to know our blindspots? Is it to rue over it, be angered by it, or be shamed? Neither. God wants us to change and acknowledge that blindspot, to accept it as a weakness, and to overcome it with His power and grace. People dislike changes, especially when the root of the issue is deeply implanted into our hearts, yet to live the life that Christ wants us to live is never easy.

21/09/2009

The futility of men is the sign of a needed dependency on God. Its already some time, and i have yet to see what is spoken, what is agreed upon, and what is prophesied. Therefore, should i throw in the towel and give up now? It would be foolish indeed.

I would say i didnt see much, as compared to some others. Of course, there are ups and downs, the pinnacle and the valley in life. But to give up at this critical point would be throwing away every chance and every hope, no matter how little it is.

No matter how many disappointments and near-misses accumulated thus far, we still have hope, we still have faith. How long it is going to last, i wont know. But what i know is, if there is unity and commitment in doing what we have agreed upon, then there will be fruits and blessings from the One who first called us.

But how long will this wait be? How long will this slumber continue?

Will it be another disappointment or another regret again? Just how long are we going to lament what is lost, and what would have been?

Its enough for me.